The Weiss Kreuz Twelve Days of Christmas
by Crimson1
Summary: Last year I wrote a FF8 version, and I just couldn't help myself. If you'd like to read that one it's much funnier than this one, but you still give this one a chance. Chalk full of yaoiimplications for your evil delight! Please R&R!


As we join our lovable, bishounen assassins and friends, it's time to usher in the holidays with:   
  
The Weiss Kreuz Twelve Days of Christmas.  
  
Crimson- Take it away Omi!!  
  
Omi- /On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a complicated family tree./  
  
Ran- What do you think you're doing?! I said NO CHRISTMAS CAROLS this year!  
  
Crimson- Now, now, Ran-chan, don't be so testy. Tis the season to be jolly, not an anal retentive, money-grubby, SHINE fanatic!  
  
Ran- How dare you! I'm not anal retentive.  
  
Crimson- *unconvinced* Right. Keep it going, Ken-Ken!  
  
Ken- /On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two soccer balls./  
  
Omi- /And a complicated family tree./  
  
Ran- Stop that right now!! Both of you!  
  
Youji- Come on, Ran, get into the holiday spirit!  
  
Ran- Nothing in this world would.....*trails off as he notices Crimson is holding his katana menacingly*   
  
Crimson- It's your verse, Ranny-chan. SING!  
  
Ran- /On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three Takatoris./ AHHH! Takatori SHINE!!  
  
Crimson- See, I knew you had it in you.  
  
Ken- /Two soccer balls./  
  
Omi- /And a complicated family tree./  
  
Youji- My turn! /On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four cigarettes./ Hmmm.......maybe it should be four copies of Playgirl instead.  
  
Omi- Don't you mean PlayBOY, Yotan?  
  
Crimson- Trust me, Omitchi, he doesn't. Come on, now, keep singing...... *glares at Ran with an evil grin*  
  
Ran- /Three Takatoris./   
  
Ken- This is great! /Two soccer balls./  
  
Omi- /And a complicated family tree./  
  
Ran- *suddenly dances his way over to Ken and grabs him around the waist from behind, as if his body has a mind of its own* Ack! I can't control what I'm doing!   
  
Crimson- *eyeing the couple devilishly* It pays to be the authoress.  
  
Ran- Ken, do something! Make her stop!!  
  
Ken- *with a grin, dancing along with Ran* Why would I want to do that?  
  
Crimson- NEXT!  
  
Aya- /On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, FIVE HOSPITAL BEDS!/  
  
Omi- Was it really that many, Aya-chan?  
  
Aya- I don't know. I was in a coma.  
  
Ran- Aya, help me! She's crazy!  
  
Aya- *looks at Crimson, than at Ran and Ken dancing suggestively* But you're so cute together.  
  
Ran- WHAT?!  
  
Crimson- That's my girl. Keep it up everyone!  
  
Youji- No problem for me. *eg* /Four cigarettes./  
  
Ran- /Three Takatoris./ Hey, I didn't even try to sing that time!  
  
Crimson- Who says you get any control?  
  
Ken- /Two soccer balls./ *whispering* I love the holidays.  
  
Omi- /And a complicated family tree./  
  
Aya- Wow, this IS fun. Who's next?  
  
*Schwartz suddenly appears, doing a kickline*  
  
Schu- /On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, six evil thoughts./  
  
Aya- /FIVE HOSPITAL BEDS!/ *giggles*  
  
Youji- /Four cigarettes./  
  
Ran- /Three Takatoris./  
  
Ken- /Two soccer balls./  
  
Omi- /And a complicated family tree./  
  
Brad- What is the meaning of this?! *the American is now waltzing around the shop with Schu, Nagi is doing awkward ballet-like movements, and Farfie is belly-dancing while juggling several knives* We were five blocks away and suddenly broke into dance, prancing down the street until we ended up here. What did you do to us, Weiss!?!  
  
Ran- We didn't do anything! It's HER! *gestures madly at Crimson with his head, considering his hands are rather busy :-)*  
  
Farfie- Does singing rewritten Christmas songs hurt God?  
  
Nagi- It does when you do it.  
  
Crimson- Ok, Bradey-kins, your turn.  
  
Brad- Are you out of your mind! I'm not.....not......oh no...... /On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, seven pairs of glasses./  
  
Schu- Shouldn't that be seven sticks up your-  
  
Brad- Shut up, Schuldrich!  
  
Schu- Aww, I love you, too, Bradley. /Six evil thoughts./ Very evil. *lowers his hands on Brad's waist*  
  
Aya- /FIVE HOSPITAL BEDS!/  
  
Youji- /Four cigarettes./  
  
Ran- I can fight this......I can...../Three Takatoris./ Damnit!  
  
Ken- /Two soccer balls./ And they're all yours, Aya-kun. *eg*  
  
Ran- HELP!  
  
Omi- /And a complicated family tree./  
  
Crimson- Now THIS is Christmas!  
  
Farfie- /On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eight sharpened knives./ *throws a handful of sharp objects at Omi, missing him my centimeters*  
  
Brad- /Seven pairs of glasses./ Schuldrich, get your hands off my-  
  
Schu- /Six evil thoughts./ I know you don't mean that.  
  
Aya- /FIVE HOSPITAL BEDS!/  
  
Youji- /Four cigarettes./ *and yes, he now has four in his mouth. You should see what else he can have in his mouth four at a time......*   
  
Ran- /Three Takatoris./ When will this end!?  
  
Ken- When the songs over. /Two soccer balls./ Of course, we could always.......  
  
Omi- /And a complicated family tree./  
  
Brad- Ok, I think we've had about enou-  
  
Nagi- /On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, nine floating flowers./ *floats a bouquet of sakura blossoms over to Toto, who has miraculously appeared to dance with him.*  
  
Crimson- Hey, I'm the author, I can do whatever I want.  
  
Farfie- /Eight sharpened knives./  
  
Brad- /Seven pairs of glasses./  
  
Schu- /Six evil thoughts./  
  
Aya- /FIVE HOSPITAL BEDS!/  
  
Youji- /Four cigarettes./  
  
Ran- /Three Takatoris./  
  
Ken- /Two soccer balls./  
  
Omi- /And a complicated family tree./  
  
Crimson- Well, we've got Toto now, so........go for it genki-girl!  
  
Toto- /On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ten stuffed animals./ I love you, Rabbi-chan! *squeezes her bunny*  
  
Nagi- /Nine floating flowers./ What about me, Toto?  
  
Toto- *looks at Rabbi-chan, then at Nagi, and suddenly glomps the poor boy backwards unto the floor*  
  
Schu- I like her style.  
  
Farfie- Sexual innuendoes hurt God. /Eight sharpened knives./  
  
Brad- Two more verses...two more verses.../Seven pairs of glasses./  
  
Schu- Believe me, Bradley, the fun won't stop when the song does. /Six evil thoughts./  
  
Aya- /FIVE HOSPITAL BEDS!/  
  
Youji- *sneaks up behind Omi with mistletoe* /Four cigarettes./ *pounces*  
  
Ran- /Three Takatoris./  
  
Ken- /Two soccer balls./  
  
Omi- *comes up for air* /And a complicated family tree./ *and goes back for more*  
  
Crimson- Finally, this is turning into a real party! Hit it, Sakura!  
  
Sakura- /On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eleven mistaken identities./  
  
*everyone stops what they're doing to stare at her awkwardly. Her hair is fixed like Aya, she's wearing Omi's hat, Youji's spare glasses, Ken's orange sweater, and Ran's boxers. Hmmm.......I wonder where I could get a pair of those.......*  
  
Sakura- What?  
  
Toto- /Ten stuffed animals./  
  
Nagi- /Nine floating flowers./  
  
Farfie- /Eight sharpened knives./  
  
Brad- /Seven pairs of glasses./  
  
Schu- /Six evil thoughts./   
  
Aya- /FIVE HOSPITAL BEDS!/  
  
Youji- *has disappeared behind the counter with Omi, but sings anyway.....somehow* /Four cigarettes./  
  
Ran- /Three Takatoris./ Ken, what do you think you're doing?!  
  
Ken- Just getting into the holiday spirit. *you don't want to know where his hands are right now.......wait......what am I saying......of course you do!* /Two soccer balls./  
  
Omi- *as I've said, from behind the counter, and sounding slightly fatigued......* /And a complicated family tree./  
  
Crimson- I think this getting a little out of control.......  
  
Schu- Once you let evil thoughts loose, it's hell to stop them until they've run their course. Guess you're just gonna have to wait and see where this leads. *slips behind a rack of plants with Brad*  
  
Crimson- What have I done?  
  
*just then, Birman and Manx appear to save the day. Or at least to finish the song*  
  
Birman & Manx- /On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, twelve deadly missions./  
  
Ran- Are those - Ken, stop that! Are those new missions or old missions?  
  
Manx- New missions, honey, what did you expect?  
  
Omi- *popping up from behind the counter* Against who? *is pulled back down*  
  
Birman- Her. *points to Crimson*  
  
Crimson- What? What do you mean.  
  
Manx- You stole our idea.  
  
Crimson- For what?  
  
Birman- For the boys' Christmas presents of course.  
  
Manx- We'll deal with you in a minute. Come on everyone, finish the song!  
  
Sakura- /Eleven mistaken identities./  
  
Toto- /Ten stuffed animals./  
  
Nagi- /Nine floating flowers./  
  
Farfie- /Eight sharpened knives./  
  
Brad- *coming from behind the plant rack, a little tossled* /Seven pairs of glasses./  
  
Schu- *also coming from behind the rack, with an even larger grin than usual* /Six evil thoughts./  
  
Aya- /FIVE HOSPITAL BEDS!/  
  
Youji- *hopping up unto the counter, and taking a very long drag on a cigarette* /Four cigarettes./  
  
Ran- *with a surprising and very goofy looking grin* /Three Takatoris./  
  
Ken- I knew you'd give in eventually. /Two soccer balls./  
  
Omi- *crawling out from behind the counter, gasping for breath* /And a complicated family tree!/ *collapses*  
  
Crimson- *wild applause* That was great, everyone!  
  
Manx- Not so fast! That was our idea! Boys, get her!  
  
*no one moves*  
  
Birman- What are you waiting for? Think of what she made you do.  
  
Omi- But you were planning on doing it to us, too.  
  
Manx- So, she did it first.  
  
Ken- Your point being?  
  
Youji- It was great!  
  
Ran- YEAH!  
  
*all eyes turn his direction*  
  
Ran- What.......?  
  
Crimson- Well, that about raps things up! Except for.......ready everyone?  
  
Everyone- MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!  
  
  
~owari~  
  
  
AN: Ok, I've done better, but I couldn't resist. Happy Holidays everybody! 


End file.
